Marc Price as Skippy Handleman
As you know I am always interested about how adoption is portrayed in the media, and there’s a reason for my fascination. When I was a kid I was a HUGE fan of Family Ties and I will never forget when Skippy (the boy next door) discovered he was adopted. (Season 2, episode 19: Baby Boy Doe, it aired on 8 March 1984)
Keeping in mind I wasn’t 10 yet – I was really excited to find out Skippy was adopted too. However, at my tender age my excitement quickly turned to horror when Skippy finds his birth mother (alternately called his “natural” or “real” mother throughout the episode) and she rejects him. Okay this is a HUGE oversimplification of what happened but again at my age I saw Skippy’s birthmother get really upset when she found him and I remember thinking “wow, I guess I should never try to find my birthmother.”
Growing up it wasn’t just Skippy, though he was my earliest memory of adoption on television. When I got older Viki on Head of the Class and her teacher went to find her birthmother at Christmas time. (season 5, episode 15: Viki’s Torn Genes, it aired on 18 December 1990) I don’t think I saw the end of this one, ever – frankly at that point I wasn’t really watching the show very much and once her birthmother didn’t want to see her – I probably abandoned it for something else.
No fear, at some point I grew up to understand the subtitles of the episode of Family Ties that I didn’t understand when I was younger, but I always think back on that. It’s perfectly normal to look for people we identify with on television so what television portrays can really have a profound effect. I also wonder for people who had NO adoption experience what they take away from the way adoption is portrayed on television?
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I wasn’t adopted. But my paternal father skipped out on my life early on. I don’t have any memory of him, and have only seen him in photos. My husband has tried to encourage me time and time again to seek this man out. This man who is suppose to be my father. But I know full well the horror that could erupt into my life if I do. I could find that he is not the nice man that would suddenly want to be in my life and be a “father” to me and “grandfather” to my children. I think that if that were the case, then he would have tried to seek me out many many years ago. His silence (in my estimation) is message enough that he is fine with his life without me, and so that in mind, my life needs to be fine without him.
You’ve really got my head spinning today Kassi. We often talk about the impact of children being separated from their mothers, but we hardly bat an eye to hear that a father abandoned his children (of any age) and yet that loss can have ramifications as well. I’ve certainly never considered contacting my bio-father (or even looking for him) but even though my Birthmother seemed to seamlessly fit into my life as though she has always been there – I can’t imagine finding my birthfather. Whatever would I do with him?
I know I’m taking this discussion off topic a bit, but since we are discussing birthfathers, I thought last night’s 16 & Pregnant was pertinent to the topic. This was not your usual boy leaves girl stories, but instead a man who really tried to make his family work for his children’s sake. I really felt for the father who tried everything in his power to stay with the mother of his children. It was hard to watch a man break down in tears because he would not be able to keep his babies overnight, this was the breaking point when he knew his relationship with the mother was ending. I felt for this man who seemed like he would do anything for his twins but he was being forced out the life’s of his children by their mother. We always stereo-typing the fathers of single mothers (or those of adoptive children), when there are exceptions to the rule.
I’m all about being off topic! I couldn’t comment earlier because I hadn’t seen the whole episode but now that I have I will tell you that I bawled during this episode of 16 & Pregnant. It’s a hard episode for me to watch because that poor kid wanted to father those babies so badly, and every time that little girl roller her eyes at him I wanted to grab her and ask her how she could be so ungrateful? Of course, the problem is that she’s a kid and by the time she started to realize what she had – she had lost it. So sad.
I am so lucky that I actually have nothing to contribute to this topic: my Dad was there when I was growing up, he LOVED being our father. He never hurt us, or hit us, or abandoned us. He was really wonderful. When he died one week before his 65th birthday, it was a huge blow to our family.
And my husband? Is an excellent father! Loving, fun, involved. Our boys adore him, and love being held and kissed by their Dad.
Like I said: I’m lucky that I have no idea what you ladies are talking about. This is truly an example of ‘counting your blessings’, huh?
And finally: being in Poland, I have no access to this show ’16 and Pregnant’ but it sounds really hard to watch. I think I’d spend the whole time worried to death about the babies and what will happen to them.
I’m glad you like being off topic because here’s a new one for you. I’ve always known that I am adopted. I always thought, and still do think, that it’s something really special about me. Growing up it always surprized me that on t.v. being adopted was portrayed as something to keep quiet, or something to be ashamed of. Characters would find out that they were adopted and feel horribly. I never understood it. I am also a mother to 3 great kids, 2 of which are adopted. I’m so glad that my parents raised me to be proud of who I am. I hope to be able to do that for my children. As far as my birthmom or birthdad, mine was a closed adoption so I’ve never had the chance to meet them. I’ve never felt the need to look until recently. I would love to tell them that they made the right choice for me and that I love them! I am happy and I love my life! But to be completely honest, there is that fear of rejection that lurks around the corner. My parents were so good at making sure I always knew that my birthmom loved me more than words can say. So why am I so nervous? Maybe I’ve been watching too much t.v.!
Amanda your post made me laugh! Like you, I was always raised with the knowledge that I was adopted, and quite frankly I’ve learned that I am so comfortable with being adopted that it often shocks people! It’s just a part of who I am, and something I hardly think of anymore. Especially now that I’ve met my Birthmother and I am blessed to have two mothers who love me and are a part of my life.
I remember this theme being the same for many TV shows/movies I saw growing up: Kid goes in search of birth parents only to be rejected and find out they were better off before looking. That always sat a little off with me, and I never really thought about why. I think it has to do with the fact that I must’ve known deep down that not all birthparents are rejecting their babies.
I also have a slightly different experience with adoption. I was born and raised by the same mother, but she separated from my birthfather while I was still an infant. When my mom remarried I was 5. Within the next year or two, I was given the choice of having my new dad adopt me. For me, adoption was not about being separated from my birthparents. It was about becoming closer linked to my Dad, the one that was there for me every day.