Adoption can be such a polarizing issue, because there are children and strong feelings involved. (I mean really can anyone argue that the feelings that a mother has for a child are some of the strongest emotional bonds out there?)
I have often felt frustrated by adoption communities I’ve joined online because of some very vocal members at either end of the spectrum – the people who have been hurt by the adoption process and the people who think adoption is great and anyone who says otherwise is a bunch of whiners. (Please note, I am not referring to ALL people in adoption communities just the people who are so strong in their conviction that they need to make their conviction yours as well.)
I joined adoption communities because I wanted to chat with other people who had been where I’ve been. I wanted friends who understood that even though I am comfortable and confident in being an adoptee I still laugh at some of the quirky behavior I exhibit, and I wondered if anyone else shared those quirks. Instead “Camp Get Over It” tried to recruit me to their side – “see you were adopted and you’re fine, tell these people to be fine too.” In the meantime the people who had been hurt tried to tell me I was in denial and one day, when I got in touch with my real feelings, and I was going to be devastated. Needless to say my membership in these online communities was short lived.
I just wanted to know if anyone else out there who was adopted decided that since their heritage was unknown they would celebrate all heritages. (Seriously I’ve enjoyed going to St.Patrick’s Day parades, St.Joesph’s Day Alters, and Greekfest is something I never miss – I’m not sure if this is a result of being fascinated by people who are still so in touch with their “roots” or because I really enjoy a good party and a good meal!) Did anyone else share a giggle with their adoptive parents after a stranger commented on how much they look alike? These were the adoption issues on my plate and I admit that they are kind of trite in the face of the pain and heartache of some adoption experiences, but I hoped there were other people who shared my experience.
I am 100% okay with being adopted, my family was not perfect, but it was mine and my parents love me, flaws and all. For almost ten years my birthmother has been a part of my life, and our relationship is not perfect either – she lives out of the country and I am often a lazy correspondent and my natural dislike of talking on the phone isn’t very helpful but she loves me too. I have always had two mothers, now I am blessed to have them both in my life and I couldn’t be happier.
I mention all this not to downplay the serious effects that adoption can have, good or bad, but really because I want to hear what you have to say about any experience you have with adoption and I want you to know that if you were adopted and you are okay, you are still welcome to leave your comments too.
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one”
~C.S. Lewis
Posted in Tuesday Topics
You know what, along with all the “serious effects” of adoption, the little things are important too. Life is not lived daily in the serious things, though they have moments, we often live in the little things. I’ve said that I was adopted by my Dad when he married my birthmother. It was a choice I was given. I have no idea about half my family history or genetic make-up. I only have two pictures of my birth father and am thrilled to not have his giant nose. My family is not perfect, but I love them.
oh, and one thing I’ve learned as an adult is that it is okay to be how you are and let other people be how they are. Nothing gets my panties in a wad quicker than someone trying to force their opinions on somebody else.
Amen Sister! =)