Comments on: Tuesday Topics: A Fluke? http://decidingforlife.com/2010/04/27/tuesday-topics-a-fluke/ One Birthmother's Journey through Adoption Fri, 06 Apr 2012 19:00:49 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Joy http://decidingforlife.com/2010/04/27/tuesday-topics-a-fluke/comment-page-1/#comment-248 Joy Thu, 03 Jun 2010 13:47:01 +0000 http://decidingforlife.com/?p=222#comment-248 Bruce, I agree with you 110% - I never realized that returning a child was even an option. Even now, with a little more time to reflect on the situation, I still think no matter what sending the child back alone, on a plane, was unconscionable. Bruce, I agree with you 110% – I never realized that returning a child was even an option. Even now, with a little more time to reflect on the situation, I still think no matter what sending the child back alone, on a plane, was unconscionable.

]]> By: Bruce http://decidingforlife.com/2010/04/27/tuesday-topics-a-fluke/comment-page-1/#comment-234 Bruce Wed, 19 May 2010 14:18:27 +0000 http://decidingforlife.com/?p=222#comment-234 I have to admit that I don't follow the news excessively because I get overwhelmed easily. I was very sad to hear about the Russian child, though I don't know what brought the adoptive parent to such actions. I would hope there are support groups and things. I also would hope that someone attempting to adopt a child would consider it a permanent choice. Not, "well, I can return the kid later if it doesn't work out." I have to admit that I don’t follow the news excessively because I get overwhelmed easily. I was very sad to hear about the Russian child, though I don’t know what brought the adoptive parent to such actions. I would hope there are support groups and things. I also would hope that someone attempting to adopt a child would consider it a permanent choice. Not, “well, I can return the kid later if it doesn’t work out.”

]]> By: Princess Sara http://decidingforlife.com/2010/04/27/tuesday-topics-a-fluke/comment-page-1/#comment-228 Princess Sara Tue, 18 May 2010 19:37:20 +0000 http://decidingforlife.com/?p=222#comment-228 I have to admit that I don't follow the news excessively because I get overwhelmed easily. I was very sad to hear about the Russian child, though I don't know what brought the adoptive parent to such actions. I would hope there are support groups and things. I also would hope that someone attempting to adopt a child would consider it a permanent choice. Not, "well, I can return the kid later if it doesn't work out." I have to admit that I don’t follow the news excessively because I get overwhelmed easily. I was very sad to hear about the Russian child, though I don’t know what brought the adoptive parent to such actions. I would hope there are support groups and things. I also would hope that someone attempting to adopt a child would consider it a permanent choice. Not, “well, I can return the kid later if it doesn’t work out.”

]]> By: Joy http://decidingforlife.com/2010/04/27/tuesday-topics-a-fluke/comment-page-1/#comment-185 Joy Fri, 07 May 2010 17:14:50 +0000 http://decidingforlife.com/?p=222#comment-185 Rox, I think that you're right that we'll always have fairly different feelings about adoption and our experiences with it, and like all parents (biological, adopted, single, whatever) we make the best decisions we can for our children and we hope that they are the right ones for them. At the end of the day I think that's really all any of us can do. Rox, I think that you’re right that we’ll always have fairly different feelings about adoption and our experiences with it, and like all parents (biological, adopted, single, whatever) we make the best decisions we can for our children and we hope that they are the right ones for them. At the end of the day I think that’s really all any of us can do.

]]> By: rox http://decidingforlife.com/2010/04/27/tuesday-topics-a-fluke/comment-page-1/#comment-183 rox Thu, 06 May 2010 16:35:01 +0000 http://decidingforlife.com/?p=222#comment-183 Joy thanks for responding so compassionately, I did go a little off topic of your post, and I'm sorry if my thoughts made you feel on the defensive. REally as one adoptee/biological mom to another... I really didn't mean it as something to be defensive about. : ) It's much harder to identify ways we may have been affected by adoption as adoptees because as you said, we've always been adopted! We can't really ever know what of our issues have to do with that and what of our issues are just "who we are" or what came from biology, or what came from our raised environment. I think it's some of all of the above, but which is what is really hard (impossible) to determine with any accuracy. Apparently adoptees are at a much higher risk of facing an unplanned pregnancy (as are girls who are kept children of an unplanned pregnancy, and in general all humans have a high chance of dealing with that situation the way our parents did, for better or worse. We'll always have fairly different feelings since I believe that single parenting if done with knowledge of the special issues that come with it, and with adequate support, can have an equally positive outcome for a child as adoption. And since adoption wasn't what wanted for ME, i feel like women who want to parent but feel inadequate should be encouraged to find support and solutions to the problems that are making them feel inadequate. I know I just wanted to keep my daughter. Period. I also wanted whats best for her and that was the method used against me in convincing me I wasn't good enough. I think whats best for the child can be accomplished either through adoption, or by providing the needed support to the expectant mom so that she can give her child the best life.. with her. (My daughters adoptive parents got divorced when she was two, and she has still grown into a loving beautiful happy girl, as I think she would have with me as well.) Joy thanks for responding so compassionately, I did go a little off topic of your post, and I’m sorry if my thoughts made you feel on the defensive.

REally as one adoptee/biological mom to another… I really didn’t mean it as something to be defensive about. : )

It’s much harder to identify ways we may have been affected by adoption as adoptees because as you said, we’ve always been adopted! We can’t really ever know what of our issues have to do with that and what of our issues are just “who we are” or what came from biology, or what came from our raised environment. I think it’s some of all of the above, but which is what is really hard (impossible) to determine with any accuracy.

Apparently adoptees are at a much higher risk of facing an unplanned pregnancy (as are girls who are kept children of an unplanned pregnancy, and in general all humans have a high chance of dealing with that situation the way our parents did, for better or worse.

We’ll always have fairly different feelings since I believe that single parenting if done with knowledge of the special issues that come with it, and with adequate support, can have an equally positive outcome for a child as adoption.

And since adoption wasn’t what wanted for ME, i feel like women who want to parent but feel inadequate should be encouraged to find support and solutions to the problems that are making them feel inadequate.

I know I just wanted to keep my daughter. Period. I also wanted whats best for her and that was the method used against me in convincing me I wasn’t good enough.

I think whats best for the child can be accomplished either through adoption, or by providing the needed support to the expectant mom so that she can give her child the best life.. with her.

(My daughters adoptive parents got divorced when she was two, and she has still grown into a loving beautiful happy girl, as I think she would have with me as well.)

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