Comments on: The Dance

By: WarsawMommy

WarsawMommy — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 07:14:27 +0000

I have a hard time imagining myself in this situation: how to spend time with my child, but also how to step back and let that child’s relationship with his parents develop. Tough.

By: Steph

Steph — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 02:51:29 +0000

This is the part of your writing your story I have been most looking forward to. Our birthmother said so little to us about how she was feeling during these days that I have just wondered after it so many times. The depth of emotion is such that you just can’t explain it. I know how emotional it was for myself and my husband and I can only imagine for her it was 100x more overwhelming. In California the baby stays in the hospital the same length of time the mother does unless the mother has a serious complication and ends up there for weeks. In our case she had a c-section and it was 3 days. It was the longest 3 days I’ve ever experienced in my life. I’m not going to say I wish she’d shared more of her feelings with me because I honestly don’t know if I could have handled that, but I definitely do wonder at those feelings now.

By: Joy

Joy — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 20:52:03 +0000

I think that the birth and the subsequent days in the hospital are the hardest for everyone, which is why I’ve been going sooo slow going over those days. I want to really convey all the feelings, all the highs, and the lows – it’s hard though because there was alot going on! You’re right Amanda, nothing makes it easier to say good bye but a kindness and compassion go a long way – I got that from Beth and John and I know that your birthmother will get that from! It helps, maybe we (Birthmothers) don’t realize it at the time but in looking back I am always thankful for Beth and John’s love and support.

By: Amanda

Amanda — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 18:07:01 +0000

This is the moment everyone dreads! We will face this exact same situation in October and I am not looking forward to the pain we (adoptive parents and birthparents) will all feel in the delivery room. As adoptive parents, we recognize the pain but will never understand it fully. Many of us have said good-bye to children that never developed fully in the womb, children that should of had a chance-so we understand loss in some way, but I won’t pretend or assume it to be the same feeling in any way. We, as adoptive parents, wish we could make it easier but nothing is easy about saying good-bye. I somehow think in my mind, that by my trying to be the best possible parent and giving all the love in our hearts to our children, in some way may help the good-bye grow easier over time for the birthparents. I know that probably doesn’t help at all, but I cannot help but want to try.