Comments on: The Hardest Good Bye http://decidingforlife.com/2010/06/17/the-hardest-good-bye/ One Birthmother's Journey through Adoption Tue, 31 Jan 2012 08:28:54 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Joy http://decidingforlife.com/2010/06/17/the-hardest-good-bye/comment-page-1/#comment-331 Joy Fri, 02 Jul 2010 20:32:30 +0000 http://decidingforlife.com/?p=263#comment-331 Amanda, I am SHOCKED that your birth mother's rights were so violated. While I knew that everyone in the hospital was "in the know" about my situation - I never had anyone behave in such an unprofessional way. I'm keeping your family and your second birthmother in my prayers. Amanda, I am SHOCKED that your birth mother’s rights were so violated. While I knew that everyone in the hospital was “in the know” about my situation – I never had anyone behave in such an unprofessional way. I’m keeping your family and your second birthmother in my prayers.

]]> By: Amanda http://decidingforlife.com/2010/06/17/the-hardest-good-bye/comment-page-1/#comment-325 Amanda Sun, 27 Jun 2010 19:52:27 +0000 http://decidingforlife.com/?p=263#comment-325 Steph- I don't know why the hospital culture is as it is, I wish it could be changed. Our agency told us the birthmother had to post a "keep out" sign on her room door because the nurses and doctors were giving her such a hard time about adoption. She had made a special request not to know the sex of the child and the doctors "slipped" and informed her anyway. They kept knocking on her door with either someone "they knew" who wanted to adopt the baby "instead of the couple choosen" or try to change her mind. I would think all of this goes agaist patient privacy rights. Time after time I hear the same scenario from birthparents and adoptive couples about the grief given to them at the hospital. This is the unfortunate reality for birthmothers and adoptive couples. I'm hoping our second adoption is a better experience for the birthmother. Steph-
I don’t know why the hospital culture is as it is, I wish it could be changed. Our agency told us the birthmother had to post a “keep out” sign on her room door because the nurses and doctors were giving her such a hard time about adoption. She had made a special request not to know the sex of the child and the doctors “slipped” and informed her anyway. They kept knocking on her door with either someone “they knew” who wanted to adopt the baby “instead of the couple choosen” or try to change her mind. I would think all of this goes agaist patient privacy rights. Time after time I hear the same scenario from birthparents and adoptive couples about the grief given to them at the hospital. This is the unfortunate reality for birthmothers and adoptive couples. I’m hoping our second adoption is a better experience for the birthmother.

]]> By: Steph http://decidingforlife.com/2010/06/17/the-hardest-good-bye/comment-page-1/#comment-311 Steph Fri, 25 Jun 2010 23:23:26 +0000 http://decidingforlife.com/?p=263#comment-311 Again you've given me a new appreciation for our birth mother. The laws in California are the same as they were where you were, but the baby was released to our custody from the hospital without a lot of fanfare and then the mediator went to her to get the actual papers signed and have the court reporter record. Apparently they think that's easier and I have to think it might be. I will say though when we left the hospital with custody a huge ordeal was over for me and now looking back I realize it could have not gone so well and we'd have had to return the baby. The nurses on the OB floor in Modesto were not supportive at all, with the exception of one we dealt with a lot of issues surrounding them. Because our daughter was born on a Friday we went the weekend dealing with them with no help from hospital administration. When the social worker for the hospital came in to work on Monday I wanted to hug her because she shut them down really quickly. One nurse had very personal issues with adoption and she was a right pain in the butt. I can't help but think she robbed all of us of what should have been a pleasant experience solidifying our decisions. Again you’ve given me a new appreciation for our birth mother. The laws in California are the same as they were where you were, but the baby was released to our custody from the hospital without a lot of fanfare and then the mediator went to her to get the actual papers signed and have the court reporter record. Apparently they think that’s easier and I have to think it might be. I will say though when we left the hospital with custody a huge ordeal was over for me and now looking back I realize it could have not gone so well and we’d have had to return the baby.

The nurses on the OB floor in Modesto were not supportive at all, with the exception of one we dealt with a lot of issues surrounding them. Because our daughter was born on a Friday we went the weekend dealing with them with no help from hospital administration. When the social worker for the hospital came in to work on Monday I wanted to hug her because she shut them down really quickly. One nurse had very personal issues with adoption and she was a right pain in the butt. I can’t help but think she robbed all of us of what should have been a pleasant experience solidifying our decisions.

]]> By: WarsawMommy http://decidingforlife.com/2010/06/17/the-hardest-good-bye/comment-page-1/#comment-306 WarsawMommy Mon, 21 Jun 2010 13:40:39 +0000 http://decidingforlife.com/?p=263#comment-306 What a hard thing to do.... even knowing it was 'for the best' couldn't make it any easier. I am with Amanda: you amaze me! What a hard thing to do…. even knowing it was ‘for the best’ couldn’t make it any easier.

I am with Amanda: you amaze me!

]]> By: Joy http://decidingforlife.com/2010/06/17/the-hardest-good-bye/comment-page-1/#comment-303 Joy Fri, 18 Jun 2010 12:34:22 +0000 http://decidingforlife.com/?p=263#comment-303 Thank you so much for your kind words! To answer your questions Amanda, at the time that Michael was born, in the state of Florida - the papers couldn't be signed until after the baby was born. I have never really considered things being any other way, because that's just simply the way things were. I have to admit though, the hospital felt like a rather public place for dealing with those papers. The nurses on the floor all knew what was going on, and while I don't think I was the talk of the hospital but it is a very private and personal thing to go through, and at least a dozen people knew what was going on. Emotions (and hormones) are also very high right after the baby is born, and though signing the papers and relinquishing rights was always going to be difficult, I think that a few days after giving birth does add an extra element of difficulty to the equation. Thank you so much for your kind words!

To answer your questions Amanda, at the time that Michael was born, in the state of Florida – the papers couldn’t be signed until after the baby was born. I have never really considered things being any other way, because that’s just simply the way things were. I have to admit though, the hospital felt like a rather public place for dealing with those papers. The nurses on the floor all knew what was going on, and while I don’t think I was the talk of the hospital but it is a very private and personal thing to go through, and at least a dozen people knew what was going on. Emotions (and hormones) are also very high right after the baby is born, and though signing the papers and relinquishing rights was always going to be difficult, I think that a few days after giving birth does add an extra element of difficulty to the equation.

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