Hello Friends! Sorry for the long delay between my last post and this one, honestly I have been swamped at “my day job” and I haven’t really had a ton of adoption news to share, but I have a little…
A couple of weeks ago the Pastor from my old church called me. He works in many community outreach programs and in the course of, well, reaching out – he met a young woman going through an unplanned pregnancy and considering adoption. He asked me for some information, contacts, etc. We talked for quite a while and I told him that if she needed to talk she was welcome to call me. I had dinner with my Mom that night and she asked if I was considering adopting the young woman’s baby and I told her no, though later I thought it would certainly make an interesting next chapter if, when I decide to start my family, I get to experience another facet of the adoption experience and I become an adoptive parent.
I also got a new packet of pictures of Michael and from Beth and John, a letter that said that they are putting in a package to adopt again! I called the attorney immediately and offered to write them a letter for their package. I am so excited to see their family grow – they are such amazing people and Michael is an excellent big brother.
Like many of you – I’ve been watching the latest season of Teen Mom, of course mostly for Tyler and Catelynn. I cannot tell you how much I laughed and cried when they got to see Carly – what a beautiful little girl! I’ve seen it twice and every time something different strikes me, but I was really impressed at the way Catelynn and Tyler acknowledge that Brandon and Theresa are Carly’s parents. I really hope that the relationship that all the parents share will help Carly grow into a happy adjusted young lady, who is comfortable and confident that she has been loved by so many people. (I am also eager to see the reunion as it looks like Dr.Drew lays the law down to Catelynn’s mom, which makes me like him even more!)
Other than that, it’s Fall in South Alabama and we’re getting ready for Halloween and the whirlwind that it starts that takes us straight through to the holidays and then into a new year. I cannot wait to see what’s in store for me!
Posted in Random | 
Tags: Adoption on TV, Birthmother, Catelynn & Tyler, MTV's 16 and Pregnant, MTV's Teen Mom
How awesome that you keep touching peoples lives Joy. You never know how you can be used to make a difference. I’m so proud of you.
Or of course you could help the expectant mom find community resources that could help her be able to parent and not lose her baby!! : )
I hope you won’t encourage her that adoption can offer more than parenting and her child will have a better life. Oh God, can’t we try to save other moms from this pain instead of encouraging them toward it? What if it ISN’T a necessary loss? what if, if we helped moms get the tools and support they needed would could save at least some moms from having to lose their children? Wouldn’t that be more awesomer than getting more women to place?
Sorry could help but mention. : )
Rox,
Yes, that is an option but you are in a world of your own self pity once again. Adoption is a positive and good thing, not the doom and gloom you promote. The majority of girls who decide on adoption are already single moms and having a difficult time. They are looking for something better for their second child and for themselves. Lets be honest here, single parenting is a Hard Thing for young women, watch teen mom on mtv.
I sometimes feel really frustrated that you refuse to acknowledge that your way might not always be the right way. I am adamant when I speak to young women experiencing unplanned pregnancy that this is my experience with adoption – this is what has worked for me and that they need to explore all their options and make a decision that they can live with. I am a 35 year old woman, and as an adoptee I have built a positive relationship with my birthmother – I love her dearly. As a birthmother I have maintained a positive relationship with my Son’s parents and I know that they have told him about me and I know that one day when he’s ready – I’ll meet him. I hope that he and I might one day enjoy the kind of relationship I have with my birthmother.
I am genuinely sorry that you had a negative experience with adoption, it makes me sad that you’ve been hurt but not all adoption experiences are negative. In fact that was what made me start this blog – everywhere I go on the Internet people told me how horrible I felt about being adopted, and I don’t – I never have. I am an adoptee, I am a birthmother – I am also a daughter, a wife, a friend, lots of things but being an adoptee or a birthmother has never caused me a crushing sense of loss and heartache.
The foster care systems are full of children whose parents kept them and were unable or unwilling to parent them, addiction, immaturity, legal woes – whatever has interfered with the parents providing a stable loving home for those kids. Are you really going to tell me it’s better to let people who KNOW that they aren’t in a position to parent a child try and fail than to have them make an educated decision, make their own plans and their own peace? Is it better for a child to spend their life “in the system” after having to experience something truly horrible just because the person committing the horrible act is a biological parent? The biological parents feeling of hurt and loss should be more important than the needs and well being of a child? I have volunteered with children in the foster care system, I’ve seen the results of failed parenting, and after every event that I volunteer at I say a prayer for the people who take those children into their house and try to help them learn about love and trust after those things were broken.
I am not ashamed that I tell people about adoption because they come to me because they want to know about adoption. I don’t give them a sales pitch, I tell them my stories and experiences. I must admit that I’ve kept in touch with many of the young women I’ve spoken to about adoption over the years and not one of them has ever expressed regret, there have been moments of sadness, but also an acknowledgment that they did what was best for their child and at the end of the day that’s all that they could ask for. I certainly am not powerful enough to make decisions for anyone else.
At the end of the day I have a very simple wish – that women experiencing unplanned pregnancy have ALL the facts to make the best decision for them. I never want to see someone else crying because they would’ve chosen differently “if they had known.” I’d like to think that’s the wish that you have as well – not just merely a wish that everyone conform to what you think is the right way to do things, because if that is what you are hoping for it that sounds like you’re becoming the thing that you are taking issue with – someone who wants to make decisions for other people, rather than letting them make the best choice for them.
Is it just me or have you cried when they show Amber and Gary? Their daughter Leah is BEAUTIFUL and bright and I feel so sad when Amber and Gary are yelling at each other and in some cases hitting each other. I’ve heard somewhere that the Indiana equivalent of Child Protective Services is looking into the situation.
Thank you so much Amanda for your love and support!
RSVPd for President Obama's Rally on Friday. Can't wait!
JOY- you are a ROCK! Keep advocating and helping all those who come in your path- If only other people could understand what birth parents understand about adoptions and open adoptions! We have one with our daughter’s birth mom and are hoping for a second open too! We have such a HUGE extended family because of it and we know HOW MUCH OUR DAUGHTER WAS LOVED BY HER BIRTH PARENTS! Well, Keep on keepin’ on and enjoy your fall! Can’t wait to check back onto your blog!
Oh, my hubby is adopted too and we are awaiting another adoption miracle!
Joy,
Yes, I think what you wrote sums it up for me too: I want every woman with an unplanned pregnancy to have ALL options presented to her in an unbiased and supportive and non-judgemental way. Then I want everyone to just let her make up her own mind – on her own, or with the baby’s father, or with her family, or a teacher, or a friend, or a priest or rabbi or whoever – and then decide what is best for her and her baby.
You keep doing what you’re doing. You are part of the solution
I cry and cry over Gary and Amber. I’ve wondered why she has not been arrested on spousal abuse. Also, when the baby fell off the bed at Farrah’s that was horrible….