Archive for the ‘Adoption in the Media’ Category

Marc Price as Skippy Handleman

As you know I am always interested about how adoption is portrayed in the media, and there’s a reason for my fascination. When I was a kid I was a HUGE fan of Family Ties and I will never forget when Skippy (the boy next door) discovered he was adopted. (Season 2, episode 19: Baby Boy Doe, it aired on 8 March 1984)

Keeping in mind I wasn’t 10 yet – I was really excited to find out Skippy was adopted too. However, at my tender age my excitement quickly turned to horror when Skippy finds his birth mother (alternately called his “natural” or “real” mother throughout the episode) and she rejects him. Okay this is a HUGE oversimplification of what happened but again at my age I saw Skippy’s birthmother get really upset when she found him and I remember thinking “wow, I guess I should never try to find my birthmother.”

Growing up it wasn’t just Skippy, though he was my earliest memory of adoption on television. When I got older Viki on Head of the Class and her teacher went to find her birthmother at Christmas time. (season 5, episode 15: Viki’s Torn Genes, it aired on 18 December 1990) I don’t think I saw the end of this one, ever – frankly at that point I wasn’t really watching the show very much and once her birthmother didn’t want to see her – I probably abandoned it for something else.

No fear, at some point I grew up to understand the subtitles of the episode of Family Ties that I didn’t understand when I was younger, but I always think back on that. It’s perfectly normal to look for people we identify with on television so what television portrays can really have a profound effect. I also wonder for people who had NO adoption experience what they take away from the way adoption is portrayed on television?

This site is mostly about me, my pregnancy, my adoption journey, but from time to time when something newsworthy about adoption pops up on my radar I can’t help but bring it here to share with you. Because while this site is mostly about my personal experience, adoption is something that is not just unique to me.

I know I have admitted that I watch MTV’s 16 and Pregnant. I like that little window into other people’s lives, and I am sometimes fascinated and sometimes utterly horrified by what I see there. (Anyone else remember Dad Butch telling Son Tyler that he would rather live in a car and beg to feed his baby but have the baby with him, than to give it away? – I was dumb founded.) Well last season the story of  Catelynn and Tyler brought me tears and joy – this seaon’s Lori and Cory brought me more tears than anything else.

I won’t waste too much time going over the plot, I’m just going to hit the high (or low notes depending on how you look at it) Lori was an adoptee who was pregnant by her ex-boyfriend Cory, her parents were leaning (at times pushing and shoving) towards adoption, Cory wanted to keep the baby, and poor Lori really seemed to want to keep the baby but wanted to please her parents at the same time. Lori and Cory chose adoptive parents who sounded like they were going to allow rather liberal visitation, and those adoptive parents abruptly changed their minds.

I celebrated and cheered on Catelynn and Tyler. They were full of fire and passion for their daughter, they wanted her to have better than they had and they fought for her, in the face of discouraging parents, they fought. I loved that their adoptive parents Brandon and Theresa didn’t think they wanted an open adoption and then they met those exceptional young people and they agreed to change their definition of adoption. Carly is a lucky and very loved little girl.

I mention Catelynn and Tyler because I did not get to celebrate and cheer Lori and Cory. Frankly, something that bothered me the whole episode is that Cory is older than Lori, a good deal older apparently as he is talking about going to the bars – why is he still so immature that he is stringing this girl along? (Promising Lori that she and the baby can come live with him and his roommate and then avoiding her calls for days at a time, that’s horrible.) Cory argues stubbornly that he wants them to keep the baby but he does absolutely nothing to make keeping the baby a viable option. When he says that he would like an adoption situation that would allow him visitation two weeks of the month I wanted to reach through the screen and yell “grow up already!”. In the pantheon of “fathers” that 16 and Pregnant has produced for us Cory is not the worst out there, but really that’s a pretty low bar.

The reason that this story was so heartbreakingly sad for me is that Lori seemed far too immature to be a mother and yet she obviously felt that she was backed into a corner and had no other option than to place her baby for adoption. Every time she takes a tentative step towards asserting that she wants the baby her parents verbally beat her down and tell her how she can’t keep her baby. It just seems like there had to be a better way to handle the situation. I’m sure there’s plenty of heartfelt talks that we didn’t see but what we did see is that anytime Lori mentioned something other than adoption her Mother made a pained expression and Lori just looked so sad.

The hospital scenes were devastating, an angry Cory coming to grips with the fact that he was saying good bye to his son and a heartbroken Lori clearly being torn in too many directions. However, the saving grace for me was the adoptive parents, who were patient and loving – I had no idea what an adoption ceremony was but I was touched that they were so considerate of Lori’s feelings and her family. I can honestly say that I didn’t need a formal ceremony like that but I really think it was beautifully done. God bless Aidan’s new parents and I hope they didn’t watch this episode.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched 16 and Pregnant and wondered why adoption wasn’t really considered as an option, this time I watched and wondered why is adoption the only option being talked about? It really made me sad.

So surely you see adoption portrayed out there in books and on TV, what do you think? Do you think shows like MTV’s 16 and Pregnant are helping or hurting the cause?

Picture from People Magazine - 05 Oct 09

I promise that I did NOT start this blog to be a shrine to Catelynn and Tyler, but I couldn’t resist sharing this link that I came across this morning. it might be my last Catelynn and Tyler post but I’m not going to promise that! LOL! What I love about their story most is that it is a positive portrayal of adoption – it rang true with me from beginning to end. The connection that they talked about sharing with their adoptive parents,  the determination to do what is best for their daughter – even when their own parents were against them. I just can’t help myself – I loved their story.

http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20314176,00.html

As I mentioned earlier,  I am a huge fan of Catelynn and Tyler from MTV’s documentary series 16 and Pregnant. Well MTV is starting a new series this Tuesday, December 8th at 10pm et/pt  called Teen Mom following four of the stories – one of them is Catelynn and Tyler.

The series is being done documentary style as opposed to the Real World social experiment which abandoned its humble roots and has taken a turn for the salacious.  Some of the moments that they show in the sneak peek are cringe worthy, but some of the situations these teen mothers and their babies are heart breaking.

I’m hoping to see more from Catelynn and Tyler, and hoping that their adoption experience will continue to be worth watching.

http://www.mtv.com/shows/teen_mom/series.jhtml

I don’t think I can say it often enough, but I really believe that every adoption experience is quite personal and while I have to admit there are alot of differences between myself and Juno, I cried when I saw this movie. It rang true for me in a way that no other fictional portrayal of adoption ever has.  No, I didn’t look in Penny Shopper for adoptive parents. No, I wasn’t in high school when I embarked on my journey as a birthmother. However, there were aspects and elements of the movie that hit so close to home that I saw it in the theater several times and I dragged friends to see it. I laughed and cried, just like real life…wonderfully done.

You can catch the trailer here: