Posts Tagged ‘Doctor’s Visits’

I cannot tell a lie, visits to the ob/gyn are my least favorite doctors visits – they are horribly uncomfortable, so I’m going to gloss over the gory details. My first OB visit went much like every GYN visit I’ve every had, after I endured the indignity of being weighed “in public” (okay in public means by the nurses station where no one is really paying attention but the number is always higher than I think it’s going to be.) I was put into the stirrups where I closed my eyes and tried to send my mind some place more exotic.

The new aspect was that instead of leaving at that point, I was taken to the doctor’s office where I sat patiently waiting for him. I looked at the pictures of the doctor and his beautiful wife and children. He had warm kind eyes and I noticed that his children seemed to have inherited his warm kind eyes. (As someone that is adopted I am always fascinated looking at how biological parents and children are similar.) The doctor bustled in with my file, and patted my shoulder as he passed me on his way to his desk.

“You’re into your second trimester,” he said “and I would say your due date is June 11. We need to get you scheduled for an ultra sound. Are you taking any prenatal vitamins?”

“Over the counter ones,” I responded.

“I’m going to give you some samples of prescription prenatal vitamins,” he paused and flipped through some of the pages in my file.

“You are placing your child for adoption?” he asked, looking up at me.

“Yes,” I said simply.

“I want you to know that I applaud you in your decision, and my staff and I will do whatever we can to support you.”

I opened my mouth to answer him, and I thought I squeaked out a thanks, but eyes started to fill with tears at this unexpected statement. I was moved beyond words.

“We’ll work out the financial arrangements with your attorney, please don’t worry about anything on that front. Focus on taking care of yourself and the baby.”

He came around the desk and handed me my paperwork to take to checkout and patted my shoulder as he passed again. Graciously, leaving me with a moment to compose myself before I left his office.

Perhaps it was my imagination but I felt a genuine warmth from his staff as I checked out and made my appointment for the next month.

Back at work, I talked to the receptionist about blocking out my doctor’s appointment for next month. While we were chatting I noticed that Cathy and her business partner Charlie were out of the office for the afternoon. I still felt rattled by Cathy’s reaction to my news but I knew that I was not going to be able to hide my pregnancy for long so it was time to bite the bullet and tell my coworkers.

I supervised our art department, there were three guys in there. Ken who was the team leader and two years older than me and then Tim and Josh who were both much younger. I walked back into their office and as is often the case with creative people there was some nerf ball rolling across the floor. I glanced at the job board, frowning – a common occurrence in that office, but in fact I was buying time, trying to find the words.

“Guys, there’s something I need to tell you.” I said as I turned to face them.

The radio was turned down, heads popped up from the back cubicles kind of like prairie dogs popping out of holes and Ken leaned around his monitor to look at me.

“I’m pregnant and since Rob and I are hardly able to be in the same room together, we obviously can’t parent a child together, so I’m placing the child for adoption.”

At this point I didn’t think I had any expectations because everyone I had shared this news with had reacted so differently, but I was surprised again by the reaction.

“Thank God,” Ken said to me and then he turned to Josh and Tim. “see I told you there was a logical reason.”

“A logical reason?” I asked, puzzled.

“Yea, for all the throwing up,” Tim said with a slight tone of exasperation as though it should’ve been obvious what they were talking about. Ken and Josh nodded in agreement. “we were worried you were developing an eating disorder.”

“But you didn’t seem to be losing weight,” Ken said with a solemn expression and a twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

My cheeks colored slightly, as I didn’t realize that everyone knew I was throwing up but of course, the walls were thin and the bathroom was rather centrally located so I imagine I had been heard in there more than once.

If you had told me that those three men that I so often thought of as “man children” with all of the toys in the office, late night movies, and long talks about video games would have taken the news so in stride I would’ve been flabbergasted. However, there was a slight shift, as they took me under their wings and tried to protect me. In the days that followed they learned that french fries didn’t make me sick, and so they often brought me some back when they ran to get lunch whether I asked for them or not. I was also presented with ginger ale and ginger candy as someone had read some article that told them ginger was good for upset stomachs. There was, of course, teasing now – after a bout of morning sickness I was told that it was the watery eyes that made pregnant woman seem to glow, but I was touched by their kindness more than I was harassed by their humor.

There was still a coolness that I couldn’t explain between Cathy and myself, but I refused to settle on it for any length of time. After all I was under the advice of my doctor to focus on myself and my baby and the blessings of friendship were far outweighing the small bumps in the road I had encountered and I knew I would still encounter.

The wisdom and advice of my parents settled in over the next few days. Monday morning I called Dr.A’s office first thing, as I promised my Dad I would. Dr.A was recommended to me by a friend who had a very difficult pregnancy, I thought it boded well that he was able to get her and her baby through her pregnancy despite all the complications.

The receptionist seemed friendly enough as she asked for the usual information – name, date of birth, contact info and then she asked the question that probably got her more than she bargained for – “insurance?”

“Well, I don’t have any insurance, but I’m placing my baby for adoption and I’ll be working with an attorney, but I haven’t met with her yet, so for now I guess I’m a self-pay patient.”

My long answer was greeted with silence, and then after a pregnant pause, I was asked to hold for a moment. I felt a little confused, I couldn’t imagine what I had said to get this reaction.

“Ma’am?” the voice said.

“Yes,” I answered.

“There will be no charge for your first visit, we’ll work all of that out later when you chose your attorney.” She said.

My eyes unexpectedly welled with tears at the gesture. I thanked her, hardly able to keep the emotion out of my voice, as I wrote down the date and time for my appointment.

After careful consideration, I decided that while I was feeling a little drunk on the milk of human kindness and I had a doctor’s appointment, it was time to tell my boss about my pregnancy. The company I worked for was a small marketing company, there were ten of us in all. I was comfortably in the middle of the food chain, reporting directly to the president of the company with three designers underneath me. It often felt like we were a little, somewhat dysfunctional family, rather than coworkers.

I knocked on Cathy’s door, even though it was open. My boss and mentor, gestured me to sit in a chair in her office while she finished a call. Her eyebrows raised when I closed the door behind me.

“What can I do for you?” Cathy asked, smiling warmly after she had hung the phone up.

“Well Cathy, as you know Rob and I broke up, our relationship is done.” She nodded in agreement, her dark eyes were confused. I very rarely brought my personal problems to work.

“It would seem that there’s a little unfinished business,” I said and now her entire expression reflected confusion, “I’m pregnant and I’m planning on placing the child for adoption.”

“How far along are you?” she asked and I was shocked at how expressionless her face was suddenly.

“About 12 weeks,” I said. I wondered if my voice sounded as confused as I felt. She nodded. “I have a doctor’s appointment on Thursday so I’ll be in a little late.”

She nodded again. There was an awkward silence, and so I stood up to leave. My hand was on the door knob when she called out to me.

“Joy,” she said and I turned to look at her, “you will never be able to go through with this.” she said and looked down at the papers on her desk.

The warmth I felt after talking to the doctor’s office was replaced by dozens of emotions crashing over me. One minute I was angry, then I was sad, then I was hurt, then I was scared. I admired Cathy, we had worked together for several years, how could she say that to me. I felt like I had been standing there for a long time, searching for something to say, but instead I just left her office. I just didn’t know what to say.

On my way back to my office, I stopped by the receptionist and had her block the extra time off in the book on Thursday, but I didn’t tell her why. My strength had left me for today, I decided to save the rest of my coworkers for later.