Posts Tagged ‘Lori and Cory’

As an adoptee, there was no adoption ceremony for my Birthmother. I was born and a few days later I went home with my Dad (who had jumped on a plane to come and get me). I doubt there was such a thing as adoption ceremony then – I believe the attitude was more one of getting the newborn out of the room and away from the Birthmother ASAP to avoid any bonding that might make it harder on the Birthmother. (I’m not saying I agree with this, I’m just saying from what I’ve gathered that was kind of how these things went.)

As a Birthmother, there was no adoption ceremony. My experience was much different than the one my birthmother had, but I must admit that such a thing as an adoption ceremony never really crossed my mind.

When I watched Lori’s episode of 16 and Pregnant, I was fascinated by the adoption ceremony that the adoptive parents held after Aidan was born. I feel like there was a chunk that we didn’t get to see, because frankly I found the back and forth with the roses to be kind of confusing.

I wonder if the adoption ceremony offers peace of mind or gives the birthmother a sense of closure? What do you think is it something that we should be seeing happen more often?

The jury is still out for me my friends but I look forward to your insight and possibly experience.

This site is mostly about me, my pregnancy, my adoption journey, but from time to time when something newsworthy about adoption pops up on my radar I can’t help but bring it here to share with you. Because while this site is mostly about my personal experience, adoption is something that is not just unique to me.

I know I have admitted that I watch MTV’s 16 and Pregnant. I like that little window into other people’s lives, and I am sometimes fascinated and sometimes utterly horrified by what I see there. (Anyone else remember Dad Butch telling Son Tyler that he would rather live in a car and beg to feed his baby but have the baby with him, than to give it away? – I was dumb founded.) Well last season the story of  Catelynn and Tyler brought me tears and joy – this seaon’s Lori and Cory brought me more tears than anything else.

I won’t waste too much time going over the plot, I’m just going to hit the high (or low notes depending on how you look at it) Lori was an adoptee who was pregnant by her ex-boyfriend Cory, her parents were leaning (at times pushing and shoving) towards adoption, Cory wanted to keep the baby, and poor Lori really seemed to want to keep the baby but wanted to please her parents at the same time. Lori and Cory chose adoptive parents who sounded like they were going to allow rather liberal visitation, and those adoptive parents abruptly changed their minds.

I celebrated and cheered on Catelynn and Tyler. They were full of fire and passion for their daughter, they wanted her to have better than they had and they fought for her, in the face of discouraging parents, they fought. I loved that their adoptive parents Brandon and Theresa didn’t think they wanted an open adoption and then they met those exceptional young people and they agreed to change their definition of adoption. Carly is a lucky and very loved little girl.

I mention Catelynn and Tyler because I did not get to celebrate and cheer Lori and Cory. Frankly, something that bothered me the whole episode is that Cory is older than Lori, a good deal older apparently as he is talking about going to the bars – why is he still so immature that he is stringing this girl along? (Promising Lori that she and the baby can come live with him and his roommate and then avoiding her calls for days at a time, that’s horrible.) Cory argues stubbornly that he wants them to keep the baby but he does absolutely nothing to make keeping the baby a viable option. When he says that he would like an adoption situation that would allow him visitation two weeks of the month I wanted to reach through the screen and yell “grow up already!”. In the pantheon of “fathers” that 16 and Pregnant has produced for us Cory is not the worst out there, but really that’s a pretty low bar.

The reason that this story was so heartbreakingly sad for me is that Lori seemed far too immature to be a mother and yet she obviously felt that she was backed into a corner and had no other option than to place her baby for adoption. Every time she takes a tentative step towards asserting that she wants the baby her parents verbally beat her down and tell her how she can’t keep her baby. It just seems like there had to be a better way to handle the situation. I’m sure there’s plenty of heartfelt talks that we didn’t see but what we did see is that anytime Lori mentioned something other than adoption her Mother made a pained expression and Lori just looked so sad.

The hospital scenes were devastating, an angry Cory coming to grips with the fact that he was saying good bye to his son and a heartbroken Lori clearly being torn in too many directions. However, the saving grace for me was the adoptive parents, who were patient and loving – I had no idea what an adoption ceremony was but I was touched that they were so considerate of Lori’s feelings and her family. I can honestly say that I didn’t need a formal ceremony like that but I really think it was beautifully done. God bless Aidan’s new parents and I hope they didn’t watch this episode.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched 16 and Pregnant and wondered why adoption wasn’t really considered as an option, this time I watched and wondered why is adoption the only option being talked about? It really made me sad.

So surely you see adoption portrayed out there in books and on TV, what do you think? Do you think shows like MTV’s 16 and Pregnant are helping or hurting the cause?